So basically, even as the show just rolled through its opening credits, I realized that this is pretty much the real life account of those tweeny Gossip Girl books.
Just to preface, all of these kids look like hairy monkies that swallowed lemons and were given the opportunity to dress like people for their television debut. Their personalities only make it worse.
The first two Preparatory School Seniors we meet are Jesse, the blonde girl. And PC the douche. The two meet up because they're nervous about college and apparently the big prestige of Prep school is getting into some great schools. PC thinks since they're wealthy a few strings can get tugged here and there. Jesse wants to just get it to get it, she doesn't want mommy 'n daddy to do it for her. But, I'm sure that's not true, and I'm sure she's just saying it while there's a camera in her face.
So PC sits in a large armchair in a really tight suit and something about his face just beckons me to want to punch it silly. He says that he was born in raised in the upper east side and you would never guess by his general pinched face and ugly attitude.
While Jesse, the girl, (not to be confused with Jesse's girl) talks fashion, I notice that her eyes are far too close together and she looks a bit like a flounder (both eyes on one side of its head). Anyway, Jesse is such a fashionista that she even has her own personal Barney's shopper.
Back to the date (Where PC is drinking a beer and I'm not sure how) the duo talk about the charity work they'll have to do to look good for schools. Jesse wants to get involved more with Operation Smile which helps middle Eastern kids with cleft palates. Kite Runner, much? Anyway, PC thinks this is a waste of time and there are more pressing issues in the world. Like, what if we run out of Yves St. Laurent hair gel? Or maybe his pants will properly fit him instead of bulging his baby package for all to see?
Kelli is 16 and lives on the upper east side. She wants to sing. She's decent, I guess. Sounds like something on the N's Degrassi. Like any normal 16 year old, she and her brother (18) live together in a fancy apartment on the Upper East Side. Family comes in once a week to check in, but other than that they live in the Hamptons. Kelli's tiny face boasts that she doesn't do work, she doesn't do school work and all she and her brother do are go out with friends and party hardy all the time. She says she's glad to be independent, but I feel bad for her because independent doesn't mean living off of mommy and daddy and proverbially sneaking out the window.
While Kelli's out to dinner with her friend Megan, Sebastian shows up. He's also 16 and swallowed similar PC lemons. He likes to chase women, and I haven't been sixteen in 5 years (or straight) but..wtf?! He looks like a surfer cum Monkee cum Tool Academy Drop out cum Pan from Narnia. I guess, to young men everywhere, STIs are STIs and he shall wear them like a badge of honor. FOR NARNIA!
Camille looks like she'd be a Camille. She's rather annoying and loud like a boisterous, starving artist theatre major type. In her bubbly, articulate, annoying tone she explains that she will attend Harvard, get a high powered exec. Job, get a husband and have 2 girls. I'm reminded of a movie I saw once … Village of the Damned. Where all the children had these dark, scary expressions and tried to control your mind. I think that's what Camille is. Currently, she's fretting about SAT scores and finds out via blackberry that she did pretty well, but she could achieve a perfect score. All she's worrying about now is getting some community service hours and just needs some breathing room!
Taylor goes to the public school but has a lot of prep school friends. Even though she doesn't go to the same school, she is obsessed with having the status and all that. To serve this point further, in a scene where she is sitting on the couch at home with her mom she just outright “TELLS” her mom she's having a party…not asks, TELLS. She's so snarky and annoying that I'm not sure why mama spared the rod. Clearly she spoiled the child though. Yes, I went there.
Sebastian and Kelli head downtown to do some shopping since they both love fashion. Sebastian knows he could get her as his gee-eff, but he doesn't want to because he feels like he needs to be free as a bird in his ripe old age. Anyway, Camille calls Kelli about Taylor's party and Sebastian agrees to come with.
Taylor's happy to host instead of party hop. Since houseparties in NYC are just about unheard of, Tay has it at a Japanese restaurant. The guest list consists of both public and private school kids. Kelli and Camille feel out of place and throw each other pouty looks of disapproval because the kids are talking poorly about private school kids. Well, Sebastian shows up and starts flirting with the hostess, sending Camille and Kelli packing because K can't stand the sight of her hairy boi flirting it up with another brunette. Oh no she didn'! It looks like Kelli might even be crying!
Jesse meets up for dinner with her old pal Zoe who talk about fashion because they love fashion because fashion RULEZ. Anyway, they also talk about Jesse and PC and we learn that the two used to date long ago (when they were 14) but it didn't work out so now they're just best friends. Sniff, sniff…what's that smell? DRAMA?! You said it.
PC and Jesse go together to the art and fashion event. Jesse is looking for opportunities with Project Smile and PC just seems to be standing there with his usual sullied expression.
PC sees Kelli and Camille and thinks Kelli is cute and thus gets her number. Jesse hates this and just looks on with a look of sheer disgust and the two younger Juniors just avert her gaze. Jesse has a bitchy reputation. But I think she's actually a bitch so... no biggie. Why the hell Jesse is upset with PC's talking to the other two… thinks that they already have enough friends and don't need more. There's that WE card again. I'm pretty sure you and PC are separate entities, Jess. Otherwise, YEESH. They couldn't put the two of you as one person on the air.
PC is going to have dinner with Kelli. Jesse thinks it's stupid, but PC doesn't really care what she thinks. Ah, the tempo of the show. PC and Jesse have an upscale “Brit and K-Fed” vibe to them. Pretty soon she's going to be commando, driving her Bentley with her teacup poodle not properly strapped into his doggy seat.
Sebastian's passion is hooking up with other girls, because apparently this is a big part of prep school. Gabe is his wing man and also another giraffe-like rich boy with money making up for the beating of the ugly fairy. So the two of them are running game and hair flipping their way to true love. They're on a double date and Sebastian's smooth French talk seems to woo his date, Remy. She thinks he's really hot and that it's SO COOL that he's telling her he wants to marry her in French and all that. I would be thoroughly freaked out if I sat down for Pommes Frites and got Sebastian spewing French at me. Maybe she'll convince him to pluck his brows and manscape a little.
PC sets up dinner with Kelli and is pissed that Camille is there. Kelli basically says to get over it and Camille is there with an angle. She wants to get into some charity work and since Jesse is really into Operation Smile she wants her good graces. Heavens. PC asks the girls what they're doing this weekend and Kelli says that she's grounded. He asks them if they're twelve and Camille offhandedly comments that PC's comment was abrasive. Of course that sets the little twerp off and he thinks they're bitches that act like they know it all.
PC and Jesse go out for drinks. Once again, this is Gossip Girl. I vaguely remember Blair and Serena having cosmos at the Waldorf Astoria. But, at any rate. Jesse says she wants to set PC up, but he wants no girls that are just like him. Chuck Bass anyone? GAYGAYGAY. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing. Anyway, Jesse reminds him that it's not all about him and PC retorts by throwing a water bottle at her. Freaking out, the blonde fishy leaves and PC calls her a massive cunt. Somehow I see him in 5-6 years in the news for slicing strippers' throats in D.C. or cutting people's faces off to wear.
PC then apologizes to Jesse via Blackburry and the two of them make up. He says he loves her. Maybe he'll get an HJ now.
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