by Roughian
This may just be me, but it seems like it rains a helluva lot on the set where Charm School is filmed. Or maybe it's just for affect. Peanuts-Style. It was a dark and stormy night *cue wind* when there arose a clatter from the upstairs bedroom, creeping upstairs I threw open the door and screamed! An awful, terrrrible fright! The girls without makeup! AGH!!!
Just kidding-- they sleep in their makeup, duh.
Natasha's main goal in the house is to "get rid of Darth Vader Ashley." The moniker was earned by the nasty ass piece of death that rests helmet-like over the blonde's head. Along the same lines, Marcia seems to be hell-bent on egging on the rather hot-headed Brittanya. Since Britt's got a track record, she can't kick the tequila-gulping babe's ass like she wants to. Instead, she and Ashley just snuggle up in bed and hiss mean-spirited remarks at Marcia. Wait, are we sure this is a new episode?
The commandment d'jour is "Thou Shalt Face Thy Fears!" The girls meet with a world-renowned fear-specialist who describes that fears build up from prior hurt, thus making people defensive and moody, and "cool." Vh1's cinematic gold does a quick shot to each of the girl's who all nod affirmatively. I was waiting for Bubbles to raise her hand and shout "Hallelujah!" But no dice. On a more serious, hormonal note, I definitely felt my eyes welling up at the admittance of Brittanya's darkest fear-- not being there for her son because of her impending jail time and subsequently screwing him up as a person. Ashley can definitely relate and cries strategically so as not to smudge her makeup.
K.O. is next who admits she's afraid of losing her brother, stating that it's not even worth being alive without him. The whole teary-eyed bunch comes up and tells K.O. some of her strong points. How dare you, Vh1! How dare you play on my heightened emotional state! I demand chocolate and Midol from you for life!
Next is Baybaybay who claims she has a stalker. Dr. Allie's means of resolving this is to turn some of the fear to God. Then, the girls play "light as a feather stiff as a board" and encircle Baybaybay, lifting her up so that she can fully feel all the fear-releasing goodness inside of her. Baybaybay learns that she needs to let go. If she really has a stalker, then that's seriously fucked up. But part of me is wondering why she'd broadcast it on television-- it's only going to fuel the sicko's fire.
Ashley gets up saying that she is also kind of ashamed of what her son has to look up to as a role model. She also gives a sappy story about her mom working a 10 dollar an hour job and supporting two kids. I think I'd strip too. Tons of cash and Tyco toys for your little brat. I wouldn't have the darth hair, though.
Bubbles says she was sexually abused. And I'm not going to make a crack about that, because it's not right. And the support thing was actually kind of beautiful. Gosh, I wish more women would realize there are groups and support like that. Keeping it all bottled up inside is no good... at all.
On to Natasha, who basically says she's scared of people because they're crazy. But she's not, right? Dr. Allie says that way of thought is not actually living... saying that Natasha needs to crack open and try to live again. But Natasha won't do it, much to the disappointment of Lala! And me. Stupid Natasha and her deep, pretentious man voice. Away with thee!
Risky bawls. I'm sure the girl's got some serious demons. But she doesn't want to talk about them and after explicitly stating it, K.O. goes "I mean it's really clear Natasha doesn't want to open up..." Does Vh1 need that little mindless quip? are they really trying to fill that much space? Even Farrah watching at home can probably comprehend this...
The challenge involves puffy, colorful jackets and other warm clothes, but the nature of it remains undisclosed.
Baybaybay says that she can now see why everyone acts a fool in the house. It wasn't hard to guess that.
Well regardless, the chicas load up onto the bus and pull up in front of a pretty run down edifice resembling an old asylum or hospital. Baybaybay gets quote of the night by saying "I'm thinking it's an insane asylum...we just got rid of Brittaney Starr, and I don't need anymore crazy people in my life!" Except the other 5 girls sharing the bus with you.
The challenge takes place at an old hospital that is now believed to be haunted. The girls look on with wide-eyed fear about what they'll be doing there. As an avid paranormal television fan, I'd want Chip Coffey, a rosary, and maybe some kind of Ghostbustin' equipment ala Bill Murray and Dan Aykroyd.
Stryker explains that the girls' challenge is to make the hospital safer. Why at night? Because it is time to face fears! But, weird, no one talked about being afraid of ghosts. Unless these ghosts are stalking, homewrecking, evil, evil men then I'm not sure how this is going to correlate. In the dark, alone, in an abandoned hospital is not the same type of fear. The good news is, these ridiculous challenges raise money for various charities. Couldn't they just have a bake sale or a mixer like normal sorostitutes?
Basically the set up of the challenge is like MTV's oldschool show "Fear"... with the safe room and the communicator. The blue team chooses Risky as their communicator. And the pink team chooses Baybaybay.
The first task is closing and securing open body lockers in the morgue for 200 dollars for charity. This task is for Natasha and Bubbles who follow Risky's directions in the dark and creepy hospital until they find what they're looking for. The morgue is littered in debris and spider webs. The directions are to close up the broken doors, but to first remove all of the junk in front. The first broken door closes easily but the other has something lodged in it, which Natasha beckons Bubbles to climb into and fix. Bubbles does it and Natasha gets pissed when the girl's a little jumpy. Seriously? You try climbing into a morgue door in the pitch black, sweetheart. I'm pretty sure that's why you sent the dumb one in to do it.
Pink team's task is collecting rat traps from the laboratory. Marcia and K.O. suit up for this one, cussing from the get go as a strategy to ward off any lingering spirits. Of course! That's what you should do to -not- aggravate spirits. The whole thing is extremely comical. Marcia kicks and bitches her way into boarding up the window and sticks by her whole swearing at the spirits motif. After that is completed, the girls gather up all the rats in the traps.
Ashley's next for the blue team and her task is to disarm the electrowhositwhatsit machine down there, alone. she says she's terrified of the rats, but I'm pretty sure the rats would be terrified of her, too. Ashley ends up in the creepiest room...with a shock treatment chair and a bunch of psycho graffiti all over the wall. To top it all off, the reception on the walkie is going and Ashley's petrified. I would have ran away screaming at that point. Visions of things coming out of the walls and up to take my soul peppering me along the way. Anyway, Ashley gets lost enough for Natasha to have to go down there and rescue her. Natasha claims she's a fuck up, but, hey...I'm sure she would have done the same exact thing. Unless, I think I've figured her out. She's a vampire. The Twilight kind that can be out in daylight and glitters!
Brittanya's last and she basically breezes through her challenge-- which is to clean up all the junk in the testing room. Well, biohazard-laden materials. In another sheer light of genius, Brittanya explains she "doesn't know what that means... and that there are a bunch of scissors and shit what should [she] do?" Vocabulary challenges aside, she completes the task and compliments Baybaybay on her directional skills (after being asked "And how were the directions?" by the source).
Marcia, K.O, Baybaybay, and Brittanya win leaving Risky, Bubbles, Natasha and Ashley in the detention room. Natasha, Bubbles, and Ashley are on the carpet.
Ashley says that Bubbles needs to leave because she's stupid... but, alas, then she can't even open the door the right way to get out of the room. What a smirk on Stryker, too.
At the deliberation, the trio of Charmers talk about Risky and Natasha's lack of changing saying that Natasha outrightly refused while Risky seemed to have some kind of legitimate rationale in that she didn't want to talk about them again. Stryker says that's a cop out, but Stryker is a cop out, too…so I guess it takes one to know one?
Bubbles has a complete meltdown and I know I shouldn't laugh but I was reminded of Austin Powers, when Mr. Powers wakes up and CANNOT CONTROL the VOLUME of HIs VoICE! Bubbles just seems to panic and try to make a claim for herself saying that she was brave and all that junk. Stryker and even Ricki seem to have a hard time holding back their giggles. I'm not sure why Bubbles is on the carpet, though…but if there's only 4 to choose from I suppose it makes some sense.
Oh! I almost forgot! Marcia makes a promise not to drink while on the show. She says one sip and she's out. One can almost smell the plotting between Ashley and Brittanya who will probably infuse Tequila into her orange juice or something. Have I been watching this show too long? I shouldn't think of sabotaging ways like that!
Natasha claims she voted for Ashley because "The only reason [Ashley] is doing anything is because Farrah's not here" which makes no sense to me, Ricki, or Ashley. But Ricki also has her doubts because this is the fourth time Ashley's been down on the carpet and it's a bit unsettling to the ex-talk show host.
Well after some deliberation, Ricki thinks that Ashley still has strides to make and thus leaves Bubbles and Natasha on the carpet. Bubbles tries to defend herself again, saying she has made changes. There goes that volume of her voice. Oye vey!
The high-pitched pleading seems to work for Ricki and she saves Bubbles, thus sending Natasha home claiming she doesn't seem to want change as much as the other girls and she hasn't come far enough along yet. After her expulsion, Natasha says she doesn't want to change because if she opens up she'll undoubtedly find friends just like Ashley. Exactly! We all are just like Ashley. It ain't stripping if you got it, after all.
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