New York Goes to Work/VH1/Mondays

by R. Spade

What could New York do this week to top the past weeks? We have seen New York deal with bugs, pigs, and naked people. America, when Cole Porter said “be a clown,” I don't think this is what he had in mind.

New York has three tasks: training, heading a children's, birthday party, and performing in a clown show. I like how now her tasks are not even specific (like inseminate a pig) but just general acts that even the most simple of people should be able to do. Thankfully, the clown school makes New York put on her clown outfit right away – lady looks good in a neon blue wig!

The first part of New York's training is learning how to make balloon animals from the ballusionist. I wasn't aware that that was a word. New York is pretty good at blowing up he balloons (although I imagine she has a lot of practice with putting rubber on a tip). New York isn't too terrible at making balloon animals. The second part of this task is to juggle. She is totally awful at juggling on the other hand. She doesn't realize that you can only throw one at a time. The highlight of the episode is the New York sock puppet that Moxie brings out. She tells a completely inappropriate joke (which is totally expected of New York). New York passes the training challenge.

Children's party is the next challenge. New York hates kids. New York has to be sassy but not nasty at the children's birthday party. She gets a little sassy with the kids...she sort of yells at the group of them. One of the little kids just starts freaking out and tells New York that if she touches him he will sue her for sexual harassment. She barely touches him, but Moxy is not pleased. The balloon maker is not pleased that New York makes a disabled dinosaur. She fails the party portion of the challenge.

The last task is to perform in the clown show. This is where New York has to put all of the things she has learned together. That fat obnoxious kid is sitting in the front row. I don't know why anyone thought that New York should be around children for any period of time longer than a minute. She does not have the personality type that one needs to deal with children day after day. For the grand finale, New York spins balls on her arms and head while the other two clowns juggle around her. It was actually moderately impressive. She passes the finale.

Will New York make her ten grand this week? She passed two of the tasks, but she did manhandle a child. I think that that is frowned upon in most first world countries. New York said that after this challenge, she is going to get her tubes tied. She got a no from the balloon guy. A yes from the juggler. Epoxy splits his vote because of New York pushing that little bastard. The final decision: New York fails because she manhandled that child and then she starts to fuck the place up. New York is one classy lady.

Next week, will New York be a bounty hunter, a landscaper, or a fast food worker? Only time will tell...