dinner is foreplay for city folk
dinner

Friday, May 8, 2009

Will Bernard Quinet / Roxy Theater / 2009-03-21

by Mitch LeClair

Listen to Medeski Martin and Wood. Buy Tonic, see them live, whatever. Listen to MMW.

Now that I got that out of the way, I can talk about a sick Will Bernard show I recently downloaded. A show you should download. It will make your life better. I know credit cards suck, school’s got you down, maybe your old lady won’t quite calling; whatever your ailment, get this show. Miracle cure shit.

A collaboration, a compilation, a conflagration of sound, damaging normalcy and creating an atmosphere of funk took place at the Roxy Theater in Los Angeles on March 21.
I was lucky enough to get my fingertips on a recorded copy of the show on March 26. Since that date, I estimate I’ve listened to the show approximately 14 times. Mmmmmm….disaster jazz. As one of the band members says during the show, “I think we’ve created a monster.”
Will Bernard, terrific guitarist hailing from the San Francisco area, brought together three other musicians and created Blue Plate Special last year, one of the best records from 2008. Andy Hess, former bass player for Gov’t Mule joined Stanton Moore from Galactic and John Medeski of MMW to form one of the hardest, sliding grooves of a band I’ve ever listened to.

They’re smoother than a loaded Corona and spicier than the 22 Buffalo Wild Wings my roommate just ate. Listening to this particular show and not grinding teeth, closing eyes, and bopping to the beat becomes elusive once you get to track two. “Blister,” a ten-minute journey through The Jeffersons’ apartment, across Amsterdam canals, and around Giza’s three commanding creations surprises even the most seasoned listeners. My aforementioned roommate plays some of the sickest chops on a drum set a guy will ever hear, and as I play this show over our living room speakers, he’s distracted into a dizzying daze by Andy Hess’s bass line on “Blister.”

“How can he get that? That’s a fuckin’ black bass line,” the near-expert-in-his-own-right says. I agree, and we both try to rightfully react to Stanton Moore’s loud-ass rhythms. Moore decisively beats down on his drums; he kicks the shit out of each and every measure, making even South Dakota boys bite their bottom lips and ride along.

The rest of the show follows suit. As I scan the track list yet another time, “Gonzo” and the reworked MMW original “Fuck You Guys” stand out as “if you’re going to listen to one or two tracks from this show, listen to these” mentions.

Times are tough, but the sky is bright. Medeski’s still filling our upstairs with organ vibrations, so all is well.

I highly recommend you visit your favorite torrent site, search for, and download this show. It’s definitely made my Cinco de Mayo a bit more sunny.

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Do You Want Fries With That?

By Max Gold, Age 13

There’s a quiet little town, in a world, on about a 78 degrees angle from Venus, about 2389329 miles away from Venus, full of really, really, really fat people. These people loved to eat; they would eat everything, from liver to asparagus, from chocolate to Sticky Cheese, and from Jelly to Jam. Now these people were happy people and no one ever put them down.

Outside Earth, there’s this gigantic space ship. This space ship looks exactly like a hamburger, with seeds every few yards and all. Their salt and pepper guns were loaded, and ready to hit this planet full of fat people (although they the McDonaldians didn‘t know they were fat.) The King Grilled Chicken stood up on the ice cream cone pillar, ready to make a speech.

“Hello My fellow McDonaldians” The King Grilled Chicken said. “Today we march down to earth, and we fight to death!” he screamed.

This got much applause, especially from a Chicken nugget, named Crispy Gangsta. “Yeah let’s show dem homies we gunna pop a soda cap up their-” But he was cut off when the king threw a ketchup packet at him. “Shut it. Now unleash all flamin’ hot sauce!” The King screamed.

Down on Earth all the fat people were having a “we-ate-ten-thousand-pieces-of-chicken-day.” Now as we all know that’s a huge celebration, everyone who’s anyone goes there.

Then, out of nowhere, it started raining salt and pepper. Then the sound of hamburgers the size of pillows ringed in everyone ears. Then… a giant pillow sized hamburger flew down from the sky. It was Crispy Gangsta ready for action.

Unfortunately a boy named Chungy saw Crispy’s ship and got over excited. He ran at the hamburger full force, and swallowed Crispy Gangsta whole. Then he tore that hamburger down and ate the entire thing in five seconds, and wanted more. Then the rest of the space ships came down. In half an hour not one scrap of food was left. Except the mother ship which had landed.

“I come to you humans in peace and hope we can make a fair agreement, and-” but he got cut off when Chungy got a little too hungry. He swallowed the king in one gulp. The poor McDonaldians had no idea what was coming… But the voluptuous folk on the ground sure got a lot of fun out of eating the mother ship.

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