Charm School w/ Rikki Lake/ Vh1/ Monday Nights

By Roughian


So obviously the ladies are happy that Beverly is gone from last episode's hair-pulling tirade. I always thought she was a lesbian, so it was kind of a shock to me when she went out screeching about her kids having a bad role model (little late, ya hurrrd?)

So, the show opens up with the brillance that is Marcia, saying that she wants a shot of tequila but a mimosa will do. I think it's So Hood that says the girl needs rehab and then some charm. Cough--VH1, are you listening? I smell a new marketing plan.

The girls meet a social activist and get down to real issues. Bubbles tells us all about the ozone depleting and the scariness of global warming while Ashley says she is bored because she knows about this and in her tranny tone says that she won't use aerosol hairspray anymore. I'm pretty sure they really don't make it like that anymore unless you get something cheap. Which I'm sure striperella does not partake in.

Marcia gives a truly heart-tugging story about growing up poor in Brazil and having to take a wee in a hole in the ground. Bubbles, smartly, retorts that poor people can be happy too. Of course. Everyone wants to live the slum dream, sweetie.

So the girls suit up in teams based on the colors of their jumpsuits and obviously the most outspoken and annoying *COUGH* FARRAH *COUGH* and her other blondetourage member are on the same team, the others are a bit worried.

Loading up on the bus, the girls discuss their challenge and the further delving of Real Chance of Love girls vs. Rock of Love girls wakes up. And then, they arrive on location--the set of Slumdog Millionaire. Oh, shit, I lied... it's actually the LA river that the girls are meant to clean up.

Ricki Lake, I didn't realize you were SUCH a humanitarian.

So whoever does the best job cleaning, wins. But Ashley thinks "whoever wants to put their trash in a cement river, go ahead". Risky's team is going for the biggest items they can find and then try to get all the things they can. Ashley barely moves claiming this is worse than giving a lap dance to a fat man. I hardly see the correlation, Ash. But then again, your line of work is quite stressful. Surprisingly, Farrah is doing fantastic according to LaaLaa. As for the other girls-- I'm not sure what the hell these girls thought cleaning a river up would entail, but they are surprised when their clothes and shoes are wet.

Green Team wins! They are the All-Stars. Kiki needs to shut up and not bitch about broken nails. Don't agree to come on the stupid show. If you don't want to do these challenges. I agree, Farrah. Shut Baybaybay up or better yet make her fall on her bony little knees like on Real Chance of Love. Oh yes, I went there! And of course, there is a stupid, yelling, second-grade fight on the bus back home. Stripperellas in the back claim that they're here for the wrong reasons when just a bit before that in the river Ashley wouldn't even pick up anything (including her dignity).

Kiki and bay Bay Bay FREAK out on Bubbles and I'm not sure why. Regardless, I wanted to slap the shit out of all of them.

Cue Marcia's mojito mohawk. Cue Patron. Cue BayBayBay's hypocritical yelling and head canting and pointing. Cue Marcia slurring out "SoHo" on purpose instead of So Hood's actual name. And of course So Hood wants Marcia "Outta there on the next thing smokin' going toward Brazil..."
Ashley and Farrah are little shits and want to pick on Brittaney Star and lock her in the bathroom. Then feed her hot dogs under the door. I don't even think they're drunk (because Ashley isn't throwing around Lean Cuisines). So then, as SWEET retribution, Brittaney puts a plastic bug and cookie crumbs in Farrah's bed... WOOOOOW.

Never take life advice from Baybaybay, Brittaney... EVER. Or any of those Real Chance girls. They're really not the best role models. Neither are Rock of Loves or... actually... Ricki Lake, unless you aspire to be a talk show host when you're older. 'Kiss my black ass' is the big defensive that the girls teach Britt, which she promptly shouts out over the balcony.
Ricki has Brittaney come in to her office and she gets defensive when she learns the girls called Ms. Star fat... which, I think Megan and idiot tried to pull with Sharon Osborne and of course it hurts Ricki's previously plus-sized ego . Marcia cries and Ricki warns her about her excessive drinking. Bubbles, the poor thing, is upset and begs Ricki not to tell Kiki that she's in here badmouthing her. Risky is just basically reporting all of the same junk. K.O... I HAD NO IDEA SHE WAS ON HERE. Dang. Anyway she talks about Kiki being threatening… like everyone else.
Marcia, Kiki, and Ashley are the girls that are going to be on the carpet-- surprise, surprise... Kiki's a mouthy, disgusting, little bitch and I agree with Farrah saying the Real Chance of Love chicas can't understand each other because they're just screaming so loud. I honestly have a headache after listening to the drivel.

So the three of them bitch it out, each one playing the shesaidshesaid game. And then of course, there's a dramatic stampede of Brett's rejects out of the elimination hall. And the other girls go head out to the detention room and my headache worsened.

Change is hard. And you'll never change when you walk out on the moment it gets a little tough. Thank you, Ricki. You are increasingly intelligent.

As Ashley explains she wants to better herself for her son, I cannot believe these girls have fucking CHILDREN. They ARE children.

Kiki goes home, which I really wasn't surprised about. LaaLaa's worried it's turning into a black-white thing. It is turning into a black and white thing, I think! (and as the previews for next week denote). Why Baybaybay and Kiki have to fucking hug and rock in the middle of the room is behind me, but it's still just adds to the drama. And of course So Hood has a melt down which we will have the privilege to see next episode.

All in all a drama-packed episode. Hot dogs, hot tempers, and hot messes. Tune in next week for a surprising reprisal of the race card.

For now, I'm going to watch “New York Goes to Work” or, “Simple Life in The Hood…” Love her!