Charm School (w/ Rikki Lake) / Vh1/ Monday Nights

By Roughian

So Hood flips out, crying, thinking that Kiki should not have gone home. Saying she wants to go home and swearing so much all I can hear is BLEEEEEEEp You BLEEP EEEP BLEEEP serious? That’s all. Not even So Hood’s man can seem to calm her as she freaks out. But that doesn’t help and she slams the phone down and freaks out some more. Because this show would be a bunch of whiny bitches with too much makeup that just stood around, and the concept of Real Housewives of New Jersey/Atlanta/New York has already been thought of…

Anyway, Farrah, Ashley, and Brittanya are outside. Brit wants to go kick someone’s ass, but, she calmly explains that she’s in trouble with the law. Probably because she hit Ambre…or was that Heather? On that last season of Rock of Love. Eyeroll.

At any rate, So Hood’s temper tantrum leaves her in the back seat of the company car on her way home. Bay Bay Bay feigns innocence and care for a moment and I sat there waiting… waiting for those words… But they did not come. They will though, I can feel it.

Farrah makes some off-hand remarks about how she feels like she got dropped off in the ghetto and hates the way the girls in the house are just screaming like lunatics. She continues to drive her point home by saying she wouldn’t even strip in a club this ghetto. Really, honey? Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. At any rate, she too “Drops out” of charm school to follow a life full of stripper poles and Chlamydia.

Brittaney prays over an orange that God will give her strength from those that fuck with her… I’m sure God appreciates the F-bomb now and then. Right on. Brittanya and Ashley cuddle up in their Farrah-less quarters, and a smack-talking Brit manages a few nasty remarks about the gender-bending Natasha.

Ricki calls for an assembly so the girls can talk about their feelings. And there it is, the words I was thinking about earlier: a black and white thing… that’s what it boils down to. Lala speaks up, which I think is a relief to some of the girls, for obvious reasons. And I hate to say it, but it seems the women are pacified by what she has to say. Baybaybay steps up and begins to proclaim loudly that she is not ghetto. Nope, not at all. She’s educated. So, I guess when Bubbles tried to apologize and you stuck your finger in her face and swung your neck around… you were just being educated, right? BULL. These girls are ALL ghetto. They all fight, scream, drink, bitch, and strip for their cash. That’s why they’re here.

Ashley explains that her son is half-white, and the subsequent section of her talking is probably the most human that I’ve seen her. She apologizes to Brittaney and has Ricki tearing up. Everyone hugs it out, but not before K.O. randomly calls Brittaney out. Like I said in my previous review, I didn’t even know K.O. was on this show. So for her to say that Brittaney was out of control just made me giggle.

Fighting ensues back at the barracks and Brittaney yells at K.O. for calling her an instigator. K.O. claims she never called her that, but did in fact mention that she provoked a lot of the arguments. I hope Ricki gives vocabulary lessons along with how to be a charming woman. You know it’s bad when Baybaybay says she’d rather have Farrah back in the house than listen to this bickering nonsense.

Just another normal day when Brittanya wakes up and has to go to court. Of course. Natasha and Marcia talk about Brittanya’s fakeness and I’m pretty sure that Natasha is indeed a dude. Brittanya returns with no news and she and Ash talk about how much jail would suck—obviously.

The challenge is to mingle with people you have nothing in common with which turns out to be members of a senior citizen center. The girls have to keep their mingling G rated, though. Which you think would be easy for some. Except Brittaney, claiming she’s “tight in all the right spots”… are you trying to be funny lady? All that porn… bahaha. Be thankful these oldies can’t access xtube.

Little Bubbles makes me smile as she talks to Laurel about her murder mysteries. And Brittanya uses that gorgeous little bootay to try and win some of the affections. Risky wonders if old men can still get hard… I wondered that, too. But alas, I was not able to wipe it away like an etch-a-sketch. Sadface. K.O wants a family of her own and finds a surrogate-gramma in Anita which is cute, until K.O. starts to get all high pitched about it.

So I stand corrected, old dudes can watch porn. For one of the older men recognize Brittaney from being “in the nude…” At any rate, the big drama of the night is when an elderly man falls down (right next to braindead Natasha, who makes no recognition of the poor man) and is swiftly aided by BayBayBay. Good job, girl. What the hell is wrong with the others? Ashley even saw the guy take a spill and just stood there like a numb nuts.

Anyway, Baybaybay wins, and I think she deserves it. She’s not being a mouthy bitch so, something must be going right. Maybe they should stick her around senior citizens some more. Hey wait, is Flava Flav doing another season?

Natasha tries to get everyone against Brittaney, Brittanya, and Bubbles (I don’t get what the hell Bubbles has done to anyone)… who actually all end up on the carpet. I thought Ricki, Lala, and Stryker were a little smarter than this. Obviously the ladies are going to try to pit against one another.

Anyway, the girls come down to the carpet. Brittaney wears headphones with no music and decides to dance to the beat of her own drummer. Lala tells her it looks disrespectful and Brit. Star responds with “Whoops didn’t think of that…!” What exactly did she think she would accomplish with this look? No idea.

Ricki doesn’t send anyone home and claims it’s because they all did so well. Actually, I think it’s because Farrah and So Hood went home… but that’s just me. Whatevs.