Daisy Of Love/ VH1/ Sunday nights

An ominous voice warns the men standing before us, in the beginning of Daisy of Love, are in fact not on Tool Academy OR Sober House… despite the fact they could all be on each. HINT TO VH1: MAKE A MALE CHARM SCHOOL!

Today, I realized more than ever before that every episode of every reality show has an equal and opposite reaction reality star. I don’t really care if you did bad on the SAT’s, be prepared for a set of “___ is to ___ as ___ is to ___.”

The beginning, Daisy is to New York as Riki Rachtman is to New York’s Mom. The unfortunate difference being Daisy thinks she’s a rock star. She sings and it’s more than stupid. “I was pitching a tent, not gonna lie.” says soon-to-be-named Weasel. Please, do from now on.

Swedish triplets 84’ 85’ and ‘86 are to Frenchy as 12 Pack is to 12 Pack. Not only are they all un-understandable blonde, they’re also only in it for one thing. But in the boys case, it’s food… and ‘buze.’ “We’re always getting ridiculous,” they say. But the craziest thing I see them do is eat raw hot dogs dipped in salsa.

I am so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so excited 12 Pack is on this. He admitted up front after leaving I Love New York he was there to party and thought New York was a man. While I do happen to love the semi-tranny, I love 12 Pack’s antics more. Oh, he also shares, “If I think a girl’ll maybe cheat on me or do horrible things to me, I start to think she might be the girl for me.” Wise choices in a wise reality tv world…

“Some people are gonna get sloppy tonight man,” says 12 Pack. He couldn’t be more correct (and duh, he did this two other times.) They all get wasted.

Begin the quotable Daisy moments (QDM): “This naming stuff is really hard because you have to come up with all these names.” A real modern day intelligent feminist, isn’t she?

Cage is to Danger (because of the tattoos) as Flipper is to It (they both seem really off… mentally.)

“Daisy, your name is who you are,” says the only attractive new guy on the show, tagged Wolf. Daisy responds “I don’t really know what he’s talking about.” And generally that’s a statement she’d probably say about everything, but I agree.

She carries a long crazy straw in her wine glass. Aww… it’s like a child’s getting drunk after finishing their bowl of Fruit Loops.

London pukes all over the bathroom. QDM: “He’s passed out on the floor like a friggin crime scene. This is Daisy of Love, not I Love Liquor.” You go girl!

20 minutes before the end of the episode she cuts: the triplets. Not exactly a shocker. It was pretty creepy they wanted to be a ‘smorgesboard’ with her.

While Weasel was passed out, they drew all over his face. He walks into the elimination clearly not having looked in the mirror.

Weasel is to Rodeo (token older character) as London is to the girl who got passed out drunk on Rock of Love 2 AND Charm School: Rock Of Love (only he stays.)

Oh, one last one! Chi Chi and Sinister are to Real and Chance (roommates… brothers… same difference) as Cable Guy is to Natasha (token out of race character.)

The boys that go home? Dropout and Torch.

My front runners for the show: Wolf, 12 Pack… and Weasel. I know… I know… it’s so weird. But I think he’s genuinely funny. Usually the “oldest” character is so crazy it’s lame (I.e. Rodeo) but I happen to think he’s probably a nice guy.

Or you know… creepy enough to provide entertainment. And that’s what this show is really all about anyway.