The Cougar/TV Land/ Wednesdays

by Oryomai

(Full disclosure: I'm kind of sick right now...most likely swine flu. So if this review isn't as razor sharp as my others, I apologize.)

The cougar struts down the stairs in a sequined top more fitted to the Chicken Ranch as opposed to a classy dating show. TALENT SHOW TIME!!! Public humiliation is a big theme on reality dating shows right now. The boys all have to think of a talent off the top of their heads. The first guy does a Borat impression. The white guy does a rap about Wisconsin. My favorite is the boy who handcuffs her and does a little lap dance. But that seems to be more my style than hers. She doesn't pick people that are particularly talented in a conventional sense. Thankfully, the testosterone is starting to make an appearance. I'm pretty sure the competitions from here on out won't be as friendly...

Stacey takes the boys who won the talent show out salsa dancing. The guys take this chance to ask her about her family (but oddly, no one asks her about her children). Austin yelled "green light" when he got a kiss. What a total tool. The guys seem to be having trouble related to an older woman. Stacey is, for some reason, completely serious about this show. She doesn't seem to understand that this is a reality dating show in which she embarasses herself on national television for my amusement. This is not the time for your epiphany.

Our cougar is just as big a glutton for punishment as the ladies of Tough Love: she decides to have the boys pick her out an outfit to wear. Oh...just when I thought that the most humiliating heterosexual male activity was buying a 40 year old woman a gift, it turns out that there's one better! Travis shows just how young he is by putting on one of the dresses. Nothing like mocking gender relations to bring in the audience. Stacey puts on a little fashion show for Vivica A. Fox. The winner of the one-on-one date is JOE! He picked a dress that makes her look a little bit like a cast-off from Pretty Woman.

Now that we've seen the entire group humiliate themselves by choosing dresses, we get to watch the winner make a total asshole of himself at a classy restaurant! Joe gets carded before the gets the wine. Was it really necessary to show that? The waitress brings over escargot (which is totally fucking gross...there are enough animals that I don't need to eat bugs). Joe actually handles himself very well -- he's definitely the most refined of the guys. He loves foie gras and can tell wine by smell. He's a man of many talents. Stacey brings up her kids -- and tells Joe that the oldest is older than him (he's older by a few months actually). I'm really surprised that Joe is doing so well in this situation. I was looking forward to watching him act like a dick. Oh well. I'm sure there will be time in the future.

Time for the third kiss-off! She is sending three boys home. Wow...the cougar is really devouring these boys. This is definitely a short-run show. I'm hoping for my fav, Travis! This whole premise of the "kiss-off," aside from being kinda gross, is too fucking long. There's twenty minutes left in the show, and I have to watch her suck face with a wonderland of boys?! YES! TRAVIS IS IN! The boys never have any drama in their eliminations. We need to get Pumkin and New York in here stat! Even though I *love* this show, I have a tendency to zone out during the kiss-offs...they're a bit drawn out. I'm pretty sure that Vivica A Fox is a drag queen though...those earrings, the fierceness, and the love of younger boys.

There are now nine boys left. Continue to watch as a 40 year old woman pretends that the search for true love ends on reality TV.