New York Goes to Work/VH1/Mondays

by R. Spade

Oh...New York. I'm guessing the major appeal of this show is that watching her do anything is like watching drunk freshmen in Halloween costumes try to find the college's loop bus.

This week, New York is a pig farmer. At the Pork Palace. New York is up on current events! She asks if we know of swine flu. Oh lovely...the brothel you live in has CNN. Oh good! Infro and Siro. It's not another “watch the black woman be judged by white men” episode. Her first task is to clean up shit. Well...she did spend two seasons on Flavor of Love. Bitch, it's a pig! She ran the fuck away. Again. And again. What the hell is the big deal about the pig? These aren't the flesh eaters from Silence of the Lambs. I think she's just afraid of anything white people might like.
Bryan, the apprentice pig farmer, does not seem to like New York. He is of the generation that may have seen VH1 reality before. He says that New York totally fails even though she actually feeds the pigs and completes the challenge. This is probably to make up for the fact that Bryan is clearly a closeted homosexual and a virgin to both genders. The lunch scene kinda reminds me of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Iconic and totally terrifying.

You'd think that New York would be good at trimming the goats' nails when you look at those talons that tranny is wearing. You'd also be wrong. She lets all the goats out. Then falls down a hill while trying to find them. The only thing she does really well at is inseminating the pig. For some reason, she has almost no problem with shoving a giant tube with semen in it up a pig's vagina. Different priorities I suppose.

The Hispanic farmhands let New York pass this week because of her huge fake tits. If you got it, flaunt it girl! The apprentice fails her because, again, he is a fugly virgin who has probably never seen a black person up close in his whole sheltered Pig Palace life. In the end, New York triumphs and has officially made more in these two episodes than I make in a year.

Who the hell thought this idiot could do the most basic tasks? This is like a lame black version of The Simple Life. At least Paris had a friend on that fucking piece of trash. Although I do have serious problems with the gender and racial ramifications of this show. How long is it going to be funny to watch a stereotypical black girl fumble through things that blue collar America does every day? How many times can we watch her clutch her weave and run from nature?
At least one more time!

What will New York be next week? A cafeteria worker, casting director, or nudist resort employee? Stay tuned to watch New York set minorities back a hundred years.