by R. Spade
Another week, another chance to watch New York humiliate herself on national television. This week, New York is going to be a fast food worker. Seriously? What the motherfuck VH1? Do you have any idea what the hell fast food workers make? And some stupid cunt might make ten grand for showing up for the day? How is that even fair?! … I'm gonna get off my soap box and review the show now.
First task: food prep. New York has to wash potatoes. She has to clean each of them separately. How can she fuck this shit up? Um...I'm not sure that she's washing them off. She's pulling them out of the water and putting them on the counter. That's not sanitary, is it? New York decides the best course of action is to start flirting with the assistant manager. He doesn't give a damn. Big fail on that.
Next: food. The cook is showing New York how to make cheeseburgers. They actually look kinda good. I would be wary of earing anything that New York had touched. Goddamn, that bitch ain't even wearing gloves! She probably has herpes on her hand from touching Flav's crotch. She burns her hand and runs away from the stove while there are a bunch of people waiting for their food. I wonder what this third world immigrant cook thinks of this rich black ho who can't figure out how to cook. Another big fail.
Last task: customer service. Well, New York is the HBIC. She should be able to handle these whiny customers. New York cannot figure out how to order the food. She's easily confused. She can't find any of the buttons or figure out how to work the cash register. She is the stupidest person I have ever seen. You know, everyone has been made fun of fast food workers once in a while, but New York makes them look like goddamn rocket scientists. They frown upon you saying “peace out” at the drive-thru. She is just the most pathetic and stupid human being that has ever walked the face of this Earth. This one white trash bitch in the line is honking like crazy. This white girl orders a veggie burger and a lemonade...goddamn hippie whore. New York calls her a bitch...the woman can hear through the glass. That's not good. Another fail.
Decision time...? Is there much of a decision to be made? She completely failed at every single task that was put before her. Teenagers and retirees can do this job, and New York cannot hold it together for one day. Does anyone actually believe that she can hold down a real job? This was the most pathetic shit show that I have ever witnessed. To no one's surprise, New York doesn't get the money.
Finally – a twist in the show! New York is a pro boxer, and we get to pick who she fights. Mr. Boston (of I Love New York “fame”), Bryan (the jagbag* from the pig farmer episode), or Pumkin (the bitch that spit on New York during Flavor of Love). I know this, I would not want to get in the ring with a crazy bitch with an axe to grind.
*Jagbag = jagoff douchebag
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