New York Goes to Work/VH1/Mondays

By R Spade

Here we go again: how can we humiliate New York this week? It seems that she has finally caught on to the fact that America is just about traumatizing you. This week: nudist resort employee. Basically, New York just has to be a normal person around lots of naked people – she's seen Flavor Flav naked; she should be able to handle anything at this point.

New York's first task: serve old, naked people breakfast. Oh good! Mandatory homo at the nudist resort. Oooh...you can tell she thinks a boy is cute when she introduces herself at Tiffany. The woman who's observing her said the guests seem happy. Time for customer service! … Servicing naked customers sounds like my kind of job. Luckily, the naked man decides that he needs to reinforce all of the negative gay stereotypes (feminine, judgmental, and condescending). I just wasn't getting my fill with just making black people look terrible. And, a s if getting $10,000 in a day for what someone probably does for $15,000 a year (...I'm staying out of it) isn't a punch in the face enough to working class America, we can text vote to give New York a $2000 bonus for not curbing that fag looking for floaties. I never though I'd feel bad for New York, but goddamn.

Time for New York to clean the rooms! I feel like this episode would be more interesting if New York were naked as well (I'm honestly a bit surprised she isn't!). Now, I'm no Suzie Homemaker, but New York thinks that swiping at surfaces with a towel counts as cleaning. She cannot be that fucking stupid. For some reason, they leave her alone. She can't work a vacuum. Brain dead aborted babies can turn on a vacuum. New York gets to set up a luau. She decides that while she's hanging out with the guests, she need to get her drink on as well. A lady after my own heart. The resort head is not amused.

Moment of truth: Will New York get paid? Don't worry – there's an old white man to decide it! OH! New York totally fails! This is the first one that she failed. New York does a little rant about how she put up with naked old people. Bitch tore the check up in front of New York. The guy tried to be nice to her, but she wasn't having any of it. Apparently, this is why the commericals are begging me to give New York a two grand bonus (even though that's like two months' work for me).

Next week: general contractor, cake baker, or ghost hunter!!!