Jon and Kate Plus Eight/TLC/Mondays

by Veronica Wilks


Oh Jon and Kate….how did no one see this coming?

The season premier of Jon and Kate Plus Eight marked my first time watching the show. I’ll admit I was intrigued by all the rumors and drama that have been going on for the past two weeks. Anyone who’s walked past a supermarket tabloid rack has surely seen the scandal
splashed across every tabloid: Jon Has a Mistress! Kate May Have a “Special” Relationship with her Body Guard! Is it OVER?

This came right before a season premier and in the midst of Kate’s book tour. They went on TV and gave statements more open to interpretation than Bill Clinton’s. The public was dying to know how TLC would handle the new season.

The much-anticipated premier kicked off with an episode that focused on the kids’ fifth birthday party, clearly filmed several weeks ago. To address the “issue,” it was interspersed with “Real World” confessional-style scenes with Jon and Kate talking about what was going on in real time. Kate talked about it for less than 20 seconds and then said she had to stop because it makes her too angry. “Jon made some mistakes and he was out and whatever,” was Kate’s bland description of the scandal. Um, out and whatever?! She sounded like she was describing getting a speeding ticket. Jon decided to apologize to his family, even though, “obviously, it was wrong place, wrong time.” Yes. It was the wrong time to bone a chick who was not your wife. Neither of them admitted it, but it was beyond clear that the rumors are true.

What struck me more than anything is the fact that anyone watched this show for so many seasons. Who are the “fans?” Who is watching this train wreck? These people are unattractive and cold with not cute, boring babies. That does not a reality hit make. Jon is a slightly grown-up version of the always-stoned minority frat boy. You know, the one who was never hitting on girls and was always sitting around just saying, “Duuuuude….whatever,” while playing N64 with the one Indian kid in the house. He’s a stay-at-home-dad, but not in the cute way. Kate, on the other hand, is your typical psycho shrew, with a reverse mom mullet and a huge ego.

First, Jon and Kate talked about how much they hate the paparazzi. Kate complained that cameras followed them to the party store, even though, you know, TLC cameras followed them to the party store. She said that she didn’t want her kids to feel weird with a camera following them, even though, you know, she lets cameras follow them in their house. Jon said he didn’t sign on for paparazzi even though he signed on to let cameras be present in their lives. I couldn’t quite figure out how people who went on a reality TV show for years and used it as a starting point to build a franchise, and, in Kate’s case, fund massive plastic surgery efforts, could complain so much about the paps. This is not the case of a reclusive actor being followed. These
are people who want the attention.

So Kate threw her kids a birthday party with a bounce house and some little friends. It’s hard not to feel bad for the kids. Even though they aren’t as cute as I like famous children to be, I don’t hate them. It’s not their fault they were born in a litter. And yes, this scandal is going to make their perception of their parents’ relationship complicated and sad however, given what I’ve heard and witnessed, they were going to realize on their own that their mother was verbally abusive and their father had checked out long ago.

The show left me depressed. I wanted the hour to be over. Reality TV is supposed to be a train wreck, but that train wreck should involve binge drinking, fist fights, lap dances and/or racial slurs. The people should be incredibly good-looking or at least rich. Why would anyone want to watch awkward silences and uncomfortable tears from people who are like the neighbors whose house you never wanted to play at as a kid?