dinner is foreplay for city folk
dinner

Monday, April 27, 2009

Flight of the Conchords/ Kent State University’s MAC Center/ April 19th 2009

by Eriq

Flight of the Conchords are not hack musicians, they just play them on TV. On their popular HBO television series, Jemaine Clement and Bret McKenzie play a pair of bumbling idiot musicians from New Zealand, struggling to hit it big in New York City. In the fictional world of the series, only one fan shows up to their shows, played with gusto by Kristen Schaal. At a real life concert on Sunday night, Kristen Schaal was there again... but so were several thousands of other fans.

At this point, it would be pretty futile for Bret and Jemaine to continue acting like no one has ever heard of their band, especially since at several points in the show, they had difficulty talking over the crowd yelling "BRET/JEMAINE I LOVE YOU!!!!!" Also making the wise choice to drop character for the evening, Kristen Schaal performed a quirky, adorable, and hilarious opening set that included a sex scene with a pot and its lid (enough said about that, really).

Amateur theater night continued at Kent State University's MAC Center, as the Conchords took the stage in homemade robot outfits to perform their techno pastiche "Too Many Dicks On The Dancefloor." The new millenium's most unlikely heartthrobs then plowed on with a mix of old favorites from the first season of the show, new classics from the second season, and a few unrecorded "new old songs." Joined onstage by The New Zealand Symphony Orchestra (a single man named Nigel playing the cello), the Conchords' compositions benefited from a live setting, with the instrumentation alternately stripping down or building songs up. The large venue seemed to suit the Conchords, whose images were projected on large screens flanking the stage, communicating their subtle eyebrow raises and smirks to a few thousand people who otherwise wouldn't have seen much of anything. Maintaining their trademark cooler-than-cool deadpan demeanor, the Conchords rarely left their singer-songwriter stools, but when they did, it was worth the wait, like the goofy dance breakdown accompanying the end of "Sugalumps." And with Jemaine pulling double duty on guitar and drums, "Demon Woman" transformed into a primal proto-Doors stomp that seemed downright possessed.

With the future of their TV show up in the air right now, the Conchords seem to be at a crossroads in their career. It seems possible that they could coast on their success and rely on their considerable cult following. Experiments with a backing band might also provide new comedic fodder for the New Zealand duo. Nothing is out of question for a couple of guys who can make a few thousand people laugh by doing nothing at all. Whatever these two decide to do, their faithful audience seems ready to follow.

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Do You Want Fries With That?

By Max Gold, Age 13

There’s a quiet little town, in a world, on about a 78 degrees angle from Venus, about 2389329 miles away from Venus, full of really, really, really fat people. These people loved to eat; they would eat everything, from liver to asparagus, from chocolate to Sticky Cheese, and from Jelly to Jam. Now these people were happy people and no one ever put them down.

Outside Earth, there’s this gigantic space ship. This space ship looks exactly like a hamburger, with seeds every few yards and all. Their salt and pepper guns were loaded, and ready to hit this planet full of fat people (although they the McDonaldians didn‘t know they were fat.) The King Grilled Chicken stood up on the ice cream cone pillar, ready to make a speech.

“Hello My fellow McDonaldians” The King Grilled Chicken said. “Today we march down to earth, and we fight to death!” he screamed.

This got much applause, especially from a Chicken nugget, named Crispy Gangsta. “Yeah let’s show dem homies we gunna pop a soda cap up their-” But he was cut off when the king threw a ketchup packet at him. “Shut it. Now unleash all flamin’ hot sauce!” The King screamed.

Down on Earth all the fat people were having a “we-ate-ten-thousand-pieces-of-chicken-day.” Now as we all know that’s a huge celebration, everyone who’s anyone goes there.

Then, out of nowhere, it started raining salt and pepper. Then the sound of hamburgers the size of pillows ringed in everyone ears. Then… a giant pillow sized hamburger flew down from the sky. It was Crispy Gangsta ready for action.

Unfortunately a boy named Chungy saw Crispy’s ship and got over excited. He ran at the hamburger full force, and swallowed Crispy Gangsta whole. Then he tore that hamburger down and ate the entire thing in five seconds, and wanted more. Then the rest of the space ships came down. In half an hour not one scrap of food was left. Except the mother ship which had landed.

“I come to you humans in peace and hope we can make a fair agreement, and-” but he got cut off when Chungy got a little too hungry. He swallowed the king in one gulp. The poor McDonaldians had no idea what was coming… But the voluptuous folk on the ground sure got a lot of fun out of eating the mother ship.

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